I wish I felt like this everyday. I think I saw my brother like this just the other day which I'll talk about later.
The first few months of teaching are done and as I use this time to reflect on my life and on teaching I think to myself, "What have I accomplished?" Well, I started my Master's program and am happy to say that I have successfully completed my first term with straight A's. I was lucky to have met and worked with some great people who really helped me during finals. I couldn't have done it without them. I have been able to take my kids to a few different plays including The Nutcracker, A Christmas Carol, and the Pickleville Playhouse Christmas play. They've really enjoyed each of the events and it's really made me wish I did my theater club with the kids. There are some talented actresses in my class.
The first part of December I started working on a movie project for the school. Our music teacher quit unexpectedly and our Christmas program was in disarray so I volunteered my video skills to make a video involving the whole school. I pretty much ripped off my brothers movie he did 6 years ago, but it worked out. We showed it on Friday and we got some good reviews so I'm happy about that. Turns out when you're teaching full-time, going to school full-time, and making a movie with any spare time you start to get tired and don't have time for much else. Well, I actually had a little time to think about my career and where I want to go from here.
A major event happened in my brother's life that got me thinking about my life. He started getting very frustrated with his 4th grade teaching job and was committed to finding another job by the end of the year. He applied for a job at the hospital in November and he got the job on the 19th of December. He told his kids and the district two days before school got out for winter break that he was done. He had to pay a thousand dollars because he broke his contract agreement, but he didn't mind that. He was happier than I had ever seen him.
Here is a man that taught computers for 10 years, was named district employee of the year once and school employee of the year twice. He started a lot of great activities and programs in the school that we still use today and he's helped me be a better teacher as well. He left teaching for a few years to go back to school and became a full time teacher. It only took him a year and a half to say, "I'm done." During his teaching years he has gained over a hundred pounds, been put on 3 different anxiety medicines, gone in debt several times, and now has diabetes. He was in good shape before he started teaching (and I don't blame all of this on teaching, but I'm sure it contributes.)
I looked at myself and saw that I was heading in the same direction. I know every job has its stressful situations, but I feel teaching is multiplied by the number of students you have. This year I have 35, so everything I've dealt with before is now doubled compared to previous years. I wanted to get into teaching so I could teach and inspire my students, but more often than not I'm spending my time with behavior management and grading. I love teaching, but I hate that stuff. As I reflect on the toll that teaching has taken on me I can think of a few things that have happened recently in life. Firstly, I've gained about 25 pounds since teaching full-time. That's about 10 pounds a year (catching up to my brother). I haven't started any anxiety medication, but I'm sure I could use it. I'm not completely in debt, but I've spent a lot of money on my classroom doing things that I wanted to do like taking kids to plays, doing auctions with our money system, and buying books and other things for the classroom.
I think the thing that teaching has had the biggest impact on is my social life. I don't do much after school except lesson plans, napping, or exercising. I'm so drained everyday it's hard for me to come home and have enough energy to hang out with friends. I just want to come home and relax. More so, I think my dating life has really suffered. Usually I'll ask a girl out and not be able to ask her out for another month. By the time I ask her out again, she might be engaged. Seriously, this has happened. This last year I really liked a girl, but the only problem was she lived in Salt Lake City. I'd try to travel down on the weekends and do something with her, but schedules never completely aligned. She is a teacher too and was in charge of putting on theater and choir productions which required a lot of time.
I enjoyed my time with her, but we never had time for each other because we were too focused on our careers. I even applied for some jobs in SLC and was offered one, but decided not to take it because the school environment was completely different from the school I came from. I know that when you switch jobs there is always going to be a lot of change, but you usually don't have to think of the demographics of the people you're working for, or their parents. You usually don't have to worry about supplies like computers or iPads for your class as well. It was just impossible for me to take the job knowing I wasn't going to be as effective as I had been in Logan. Maybe I over think things, but switching jobs for me isn't an easy decision, even if there is a wonderful girl involved. I think about that situation often and try to rework it in my head to think of what I could do to make it work out, but the answer that comes back again and again is that it won't work out as long as I teach. At least that's what I tell myself.
The hardest news to take is that I actually applied for the same job as my brother, but didn't notice the email they had sent me asking me to call them until two weeks after. When he got the job I started thinking about my life and how different it would be if I had been given the job. Maybe things could still work out with the girl. How nice it would be to come home and not have to worry about lesson plans, grading papers, or meeting with parents. The joy of taking a sick day and not have to plan a lesson at 4 in the morning. Also, how nice would it be to be able to take care of a family and actually be able to spend time with them. Teaching comes with a hefty price tag. How much more am I willing to pay for it? Just ramblings for my online journal.
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