Three is the Magic Number

Well....I'm now starting my 3rd year.  Who would've thought that I'd be in this position? The old me wouldn't question this, but the current me almost quit 1 week before school started.  Let me tell you why that almost happened.  I got hired back on at the same school and am now teaching 4th grade again.  I was excited for the move back to fourth grade and was excited for the class I was getting.  I really do have a great group of kids for the most part.  There will always be those students that make things difficult or make you wish corporal punishment was reinstated in the schools, but I'm content with the the class I have.  Here's why I wanted to get out of teaching.

Firstly, I'm now teaching 35 kids in my class.  I know that may not seem like many compared to the upper grades, but it is 11 more than I've ever had and it is a hard adjustment.  I'm finding out very quickly that I have had to change quite a bit about how my class operates.  I was also looking for work elsewhere because I felt like I needed a move.  The only problem is that I love my school, my classroom, and the area in which I teach.  The hard part is finding a place that compares and has the same types of programs I'm used to using.  This made it hard for me to accept in job in SLC this summer that sounded okay, but in the end I didn't want to give up everything I have here.  On top of all of that I decided to go back to school to get my Master's in Instructional Technology. 

I feel overwhelmed to say the least and it's going alright...so far.  My biggest regret is not having enough time to direct my theater club.  I have a lot of great kids this year that I think would be awesome and really benefit from it.  Last year I saw two students really come out of their shells as they started to perform.  One of them turned out to be one of my favorites.  The bonus to teaching this year (besides the fact that we have changed most of our curriculum, including our 3rd math program in 3 years) is I feel more comfortable with knowing what I have to teach.  I understand what needs to be taught and how it needs to be taught for the most part. 

It seems like I really enjoy teaching and I'm feeling more comfortable with it, but the question remains "Why do I still want to change jobs?"  My brother is in his second year and he wants to quit too.  I've come up with a few reasons and those will come in due time.  Right now I'm listening to the Education Nation on NBC and a lot of thoughts are going through my head and I'll probably get on my soapbox about them later.  They are discussing a lot of things that I disagree with and I'm starting to get sick and tired of the rhetoric.  When and how are we going to make real change in education happen?  This whole post has been nonsense...oh well.

The Most Astounding Fact

I love Neil Degrasse Tyson.  I only have known him for about a year, but his thoughts have really impacted the way I look at space and life in general. I just visited Washington D.C. and I had quite the realization while I was out there.  I was in awe of all of these young professionals making a name for themselves.  Most of the people I talked to had great jobs and were very intelligent people. Besides the fact that their wages were usually triple what I was making, they still were doing multiple side projects.  I heard everything from making applications for phones to starting non-profit organizations (My thoughts on non-profits will come later). 

As I visited Capitol Hill I was given a tour by a young intern from Utah.  He did a marvelous job and I really learned a lot from the experience. What really caught my attention was that these type of people were everywhere.  Not interns, but people trying to make a name for themselves.  Most of the people I talked to out there had only been out in D.C. for a short while and they were already planning on moving to another place in a few months. In my opinion, they moved out to D.C. to make a name for themselves.  They were looking for opportunities to show the world what they were made of and that they could make it big.  I suppose they probably got lost in the crowd since everyone out there is doing the same thing and decided they could do big things in another city that is less crowded.  As Mr. Tyson said, "You want to feel connected, you want to feel relevant, you want to feel like a participant."

I've always thought that I had more to give and that there is something bigger out there for me.  I suppose that there is, but as of this moment I'm not sure what that might be.  I always thought that moving to a bigger city would provide me more opportunities to make a name for myself and accomplish everything I had originally set out to accomplish.  I now know that the city doesn't make the man or the opportunities, especially in education.  Last year I had a student that failed their end of level tests BIG TIME.  This student hasn't been known to have any learning disabilities, but their scores were lower than my ESL students and my Resource student.  This one student has shown me that I still have a lot to work on before I qualify for a greater challenge.  I can't even handle the load I have now.

I've been looking forward to something big for so long that I forgot to look around my present conditions and ask myself how I might improve today.  My brother actually told me this over a 3 months ago as I was searching for jobs elsewhere.  Being the stubborn younger brother that I am I decided not to listen, but he was right. I need to focus on what I have now and only when I have that figured out should I move on to greater challenges. 

To take liberties with the video above, I feel so small compared to what others are doing or trying to do.  I live in a small town and teach at a small school, but I'm part of a bigger picture.  The same elements that make up my city and school are the same elements that make up bigger cities and bigger schools. I need to realize that what I do here has its roots in larger things. I have the same role as Aristotle, Plato, and Socrates. I'm sure they would've been just as great if they had taught in a small Wyoming town rather than Greece. No matter where I end up, the odds are I'm only going to be able to reach out to 30 or so children at a time.  I can't cheapen their education because they don't live in another city.  I'm here to level the playing ground for every child regardless of learning ability, parental income, or zip code.  I can still accomplish great things in small places. 

Confucius Says, "Make time for yourself."

I imagine that's where Dove gets their clever and wise advice from.  When I opened up my delicious treat yesterday there was not just one, but two chocolates with that saying engraved on it's tinfoil wrapper. Now the reason I mention this is because I'M DONE.  Well, I suppose the school year ended June 1st, but just now am I finally able to wrap my head around it.  My second year is in the bag and it was quite a year.  I moved up to 5th grade, started (and eventually discontinued) a new math program, and started my theater club.

I had a lot of ups, but probably more downs.  It was just a weird year as we started to integrate the common core into our curriculum along with thinking maps.  I know this is only my second year, but judging by the attitudes of other teachers I feel like we were asked to do a lot this year...and I anticipate it will get worse every year.  Teaching isn't what it used to be.  I feel like a lot of pressure has been put on us to solve the worlds problems while getting paid bottom dollar for it.

I never got into this profession for the money, or the accolades (because I'm smart enough to know neither will come.)  I did, however, get into teaching because I wanted to level the playing ground for all of the students that came into my room regardless of their income, status, gender, athletic or intellectual ability.  I can't say I've accomplished that and I'm happy to have a goal in my mind that I want to reach that may be unobtainable as long as it drives me.  The problem is that the only thing that is driving my teaching right now is data and district mandates. I felt like a robot that was programmed for a specific task, or like Will Ferrell's character on "Stranger Than Fiction" who just follows a routine. I wasn't allowed to stray for fear I might not accomplish district goals. 

I've felt the pressure all year of getting my numbers up.  Having to compete with other cities, schools, and teachers is very taxing.  I've really tried to be a better teacher this year than last year, but the numbers show that I'm stagnant.  I'm more or less the same teacher this year as I was last year.  I would go home and beat myself up about not being able to reach certain students every night.  What more can I do to reach everyone?  One quote that sticks in my mind comes from Rafe Esquith (yes, him again).  He once said that it is our job to make things equal in the classroom and give everyone the chance to be successful, but once given that opportunity the students need to produce.

I need to realize I can only do so much with each child.  Some students will never take the extra step to become successful.  I can only take them so far before they are responsible for their own growth. Now what does this have to do with my Dove chocolate? At the end of the year I sat with my class and asked them to honestly give me some feedback on what I can do to improve the class.  I was actually blown away by some of the advice they gave me.  A lot of it was stuff I knew I wanted to improve, but didn't know the kids had caught onto it.  There was one girl who said something that stuck more than the others.  She simply said, "Take some time for yourself.  Don't spend so much time on us, you deserve some time for yourself."

This was an eye opener that a small 11 year old girl would be able to notice something like that.  So this summer I'm taking some time for myself by doing all of the things that I have wanted to do, but never did because I was always concerned about one thing or another. This includes a lot of camping and backpacking that I've also set out to do, but never did.  I've applied this to more than just stuff I want to do this summer.  We'll see if any of those decisions bear fruit in the next few years, but I'm not going to tie myself down to something for safety and security.  This includes what district I work for, where I end up living, or what career I end up in.  I need to do what's best for me and I need to be willing to step outside my comfort zone to see what possibilities lie before me.

I want to have the feeling that I'm sure Andy and Red have at the end of "The Shawshank Redemption." Their path may not have been the most pleasant, but they end up happy because they are free men allowed to do what ever they want to do.  They didn't get that till they were much older in life, but I have the chance to do that now.  I often think 29 is too old to try something new, or to start all over, but I have all the time in the world compared to those two men.  I need to take advantage of my youth and blaze my own path instead of following others.   "The Readiness is All"

The Show Must Go On!

This past year I initiated a theater club for the 5th grade in my school.  I was really excited to start this club because I've wanted to do it ever since I discovered my hero/mentor Rafe Esquith.  After I stopped teaching music in 2006 I thought of a way to keep in contact with the kids that I enjoyed being around.  I started a theater club with the 5th graders that year and we met for an hour before school 3 days a week.  It went...okay. We went on a few great field trips and we read a lot of Shakespeare.  I knew how to start a theater club, I just didn't know how to end it. We ended that year without a performance and a lot of broken spirits.  I tried it again the next year with even more horrible results.

After I started teaching full time in 2010 the thought of having a theater club has always been in the back of my head.  Last June I went and saw a performance of the Hobart Shakespeareans in Los Angeles.  This is the class that Rafe Esquith teaches.  To see one of his performances has been a goal of mine ever since I read about him.  As I approached the gates of this school in the middle of Korea Town my heart started pumping much faster than normal.  Kids were there to greet us at the parking lot and lead us to the classroom.  I was in awe at how very nice and welcoming they were.

Rafe introduced the group and then took his seat on the side of the room.  He didn't do anything once the play started.  The students were in charge of everything that went on in the performance of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream."  That includes coming on and off stage, knowing when to come in on their songs (did i mention they all play instruments and sing rock n' roll songs to put in the play?), and when to start their dances and lines.  That night will forever be known as a defining moment in my life.

I came back from that trip with a strong resolve to start a theater club for the new school year.  I talked to the principal and set up the parameters for the club.  I started the club with 17 students and as the school year progressed it dwindled down to a meager seven.  I almost gave up on the club again, but then I put the power into the students' hands.  I asked them if they wanted to continue the club and then I put the responsibility on their shoulders.

As this post seems to be getting very long it will suffice it to say that they performed two weeks ago and it was AMAZING! I mean, wow. I didn't think they had it in them.  I realized that the other clubs I started didn't succeed because I was the only one bearing the responsibility of its success.  Lesson learned I suppose.  Here is a video they made for  nextvista.org where the video was a finalist for a contest. 

The Adventures of Pete and Pete...revisited

Recently, my favorite childhood show had a little cast reunion in New York. I was able to watch it on youtube and I was very pleased to hear some of the stuff that went on behind the scenes. The show only lasted three seasons, but it dramatically changed my life; I hope for the better. While watching the cast reunion a few of their comments really stuck with me. I'd like to share some thoughts...now.

When the show was on television the writers and producers were continually being asked by people why two brothers had the same name, where did the younger Pete get his tattoo, and where did Artie the Strongest Man in the World come from. Out of all of the times that question was asked, they reported that the only ones asking those types of questions were grown-ups. The kids who watched the show didn't care, they just enjoyed what was put in front of them and enjoyed being in a world that was made for them.

This really made me start thinking about my students and every young student in the U.S. today. The thing that I enjoyed while going to school isn't being taught in the schools now because we don't have enough time for that anymore. We are throwing history by the wayside because kids need to be practicing for end of level tests. These tests are important because they determine their value as a student and my value as a teacher. I don't ever recall being stressed about taking a standardized test while in school. I don't recall my teachers making a big deal out of it either. So why have we suddenly relied on tests as the measuring stick of success in this country?

Here's where Pete and Pete wrap back into this rant. Kids need to be kids. I've heard it before and I've said it before, but I even catch myself playing the role of Captain Hook when it comes to my own classroom. This isn't because I want to, but it's because I feel I need to so I fit in with the rest of the school and faculty.

Pete and Pete was an original show because the creators did a show that they wanted to do. It almost wasn't made because early reviews were bad, but they made it anyway and people ended up liking it. They tried something new, even though data showed that it was not going to do well. Whether it was successful or not didn't matter to the creators because they made a show that they enjoyed putting together and they believed in the final product. I don't feel that way about my classroom. I don't like my final product. I enjoy my students and some of the things that we do in there, but it's not MY classroom. Slowly, I'm trying to figure out a way to make it my own and not a classroom put together by data and administrators. This is tough seeing as how these administrators determine if I have a job or not.

This whole post has kind of just rambled on, but seeing as how I might be the only one reading it then I don't care. The point is I want to be a better teacher. The only way I can do that is by teaching in a style that correlates with the type of person I am. Right now that is not happening because I am somewhat forced to follow the crowd. I want to step outside the box and try some new things, but I know that is looked down upon in a system where we want everyone to test to the same number. I have a problem with being average and having my kids be average. If we're supposed to celebrate individuality, then why not do that on an educational level as well. I don't mean differentiated instruction, I mean allowing kids to struggle and fail in areas that they don't like or understand. I don't like sour cream, but do I have to eat it to be normal? I'm not good at art, but do I have to perfect it if I'm going into a mathematical field? I wish I could write down what my mind is thinking, but I can't for some reason. Enjoy this clip that expounds on some of my thinking.

Big Bad Bullies

There is a movie coming out fairly soon about bullying in our schools. I've seen the preview (above), read the articles, and even noticed it in my own school. When my school turned 115 years old my brother asked people from every decade, who were still alive, to share experiences they had from school. One man shared an experience about being bullied because he had new glasses on. As he told the story the memories came flooding back to him and he started to get emotional. It's amazing that an experience like that, which happened more than 50 years ago, could still have such an impact on this man.
Bullying is a part of our culture whether you like it, or not. I don't like it, but I did enjoy Roger Klautz from "DOUG." It's amazing how many major characters in television and movies are bullies. What would "Back to the Future" be without Biff? So, as I sit back and reflect on what I can do in my own class to stop this act, a few individuals come into my mind. One student I had last year had all the makings of a kid who should've been bullied. All he did was read the entire day, wear glasses, and he also had some peculiar mannerisms. By all intensive purposes he should've been bullied, but the kids actually liked him. Even though people would say things that he could've taken as hurtful, he decided to not care about it and just take it as a compliment. Soon enough, the kids admired his ability to read a large quantity of books in such a short amount of time. He took something that could've have been looked down upon and made it a strength that kids wished they had. Kind of like Rudolph the Red-Nosed-Reindeer I suppose.

Now fast forward to this year. I have a student who has been beaten up in the past and has moved schools for that same reason. As he's adjusted to my classroom this year, I've had a hard time making sure kids don't laugh at him. My class has been learning rap songs all year and this student doesn't quite know all of the words yet. He is trying really hard to fit in with the class by singing louder to overcompensate for his lack of word memorization. This, in turn, makes it even more awkward. He draws attention to himself and he doesn't realize that what he's doing is a little weird. I can see it, the students can definitely see it, but he can't. I've tried talking to him about it, but this problem keeps occurring. I'm not saying being loud is a problem, or THE problem, but it gives certain kids something to attach to and make fun of. I don't see this problem ever going away for this student. I'm mostly concerned for his transition into middle school and high school where he will spend a lot more time in the halls and locker rooms where bullies seem to form and gain power.

My point in this is that some kids will always be the victim. I can only do so much and the administrators can only do so much. We are there to create a safe learning environment at school, but in this day and age where problems follow kids pass the bus stop and onto the internet, I ask the question; How far is our reach supposed to stretch? Teachers are constantly being given new things to discuss with their classes because they aren't getting the message at home. How responsible are we in the end?

Back to the Future!

I went to a training today that was about the new iAuthor program for the iPad. It was a good training and I felt I took enough away form it that it was worth my time. The whole meeting there was discussion about the possibilities that technology creates in our classroom. So many different tools and resources at the swipe of a finger.

As our session was wrapping up a member of our district discussed the possibility (a realistic possibility actually proposed to a school this year) that they wanted to try a one-to-one program with the iPads. Teachers were on board and wanted to try it, but it came with a price. The only sacrifice they would have to make is that they would have to get rid of their copy machine and become a totally paperless school. They changed their minds quickly. PAPERLESS!? Can you even imagine an elementary classroom without paper? I can't...yet. I believe we are moving in that direction, but I don't think we will ever hear a teacher paraphrase Doc by saying, "PAPER? Where we're going, we don't need paper." The day I hear that is the day I have my new hoverboard and shoes that light up with have power laces. GREAT SCOTT!

There are many that say this is cheaper and better for the environment. I don't believe that. The way things are being priced and distributed, it looks like this is going to be more expensive. And yes, we won't be killing as many trees to make the paper, but trees are a renewable resource unlike a lot of the products used to make iPads and Mac Books. Also, I haven't researched this, but I'm sure the makers of paper don't have to install suicide prevention nets outside of their buildings to make sure people don't die as they jump off of their building. I'm not trying to take a side in this issue because I truly believe we need to integrate more technology and less paperwork/worksheet related materials. Shouldn't we be using all of this stuff together so that we can use ALL of the resources we have at our disposal?

Well, some people (High Tech Big Wigs apparently) have already been resorting back to the traditional way of teaching their children by enrolling them in private schools that refuse to have technology in any of their classrooms. It seems like the world is always in this momentum shift of doing new things and then going back to old school styles of thinking. I see it in the way people shop for food. They are trying to do more organic gardening and shopping. I've also seen it in the way people workout. No more big machines, but it's back to the basics of lifting heavy tires and doing pull-ups. Isn't it interesting that Back to the Future used the same model when they went back in time, then into the future, then back in time again. Seems to be a formula for awesome (I love those movies). I wouldn't be surprised if I see this kind of teaching philosophy change 4 more times while I'm in the teaching profession.